9.13.2011

Who am I, anyway?

Changes, questions and confusing circumstances have flooded my mind these last months. Throughout it, there has been this nagging thought in my mind, "O.k., apart from this {insert circumstance, role, etc. here}, who am I?  Do I have worth without this?"

I have recognized, again, that all too often I let others define who I am.  I have allowed my roles to define me.  My past has defined me.  My family has defined me.  I had given my identity into the hands of those to whom it doesn't belong.
 
In the midst of this past year, I have struggled to be me.  Not in the adolescent way of finding myself, but in a deep longing to just be

     to be of value.
     to be treasured.
     to be good enough.
     to be free to be me.
     not because of what I do or don't do.
     not because of the roles I can fill.
     not because I held my tongue.
     not because I spoke out.
     not because of who I'm married to.
     not because of my children's good behavior (or lack of).
     just as me.
    
Yes, I know the right answers.  I can quote the right Scriptures.  But this time it's different.  I need to know it, breathe it, walk in it.

When Jackson came home from camp this summer, he showed me this:

beloved





 He chose the word for this rock, to be a reminder to him of how God sees him.

 holy

Jada came home from camp with a similar rock, but a different reminder.

At the end of the camping season we all went to see Jason Gray in concert at camp.  I was hit over the head by his new song, Remind Me Who I Am.  Jason had been speaking to the campers all summer the message that I needed to hear.  



Those pictures are etched in my mind and I'm reminded.  Striving to breathe it and walk in it.

Anyone relate?

12 comments:

  1. I read a book this year that changed my life. Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I don't think I ever truly understood the Gospel before (I'm sure I still don't, exactly, but...) It's such a good one about our identity in Christ. You HAVE to read it!!!

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  2. I bought the book Jill is talking about per her recommendation. I haven't read all of it yet, but like what I've read. Hoping you feel grounded and at peace.

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  3. Thanks for the recommendation, Jill. I just finished a couple books and am making my list of what I want to read next-perfect timing! Requesting it from the library today!

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  4. -thanks, Sarah Jane...going to the library website now. :)

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  5. You know I can relate! Honestly, I think it's good to wrestle with these questions sometimes to focus upward. So easy to just get on auto pilot, you know? Love your heart! ~Dardi

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  6. Thanks so much, Sharon. That was a great song. I'd never heard it before.
    Have a great day!
    Shana

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  7. I definitely can relate. Needed this - thanks so much for sharing!!!

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  8. ooh, I am totally a hider in my roles. So much so I don't think I am ready to tackle what you are working on. Unrelated: we still need to talk soon, yes?

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  9. yes, scooping it up, would love to talk soon!

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  10. beautiful!!! Mind if I share this too? :)

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  11. Jodi- yes, go ahead and share it! :)

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  12. Dearest, you know this is profound! LOVE! "I'm the one you love, that will be enough." YES!! this is what it boils down to, isn't it? i am with you in this... ~jeanette

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